Approximately 117 days to go!
April felt sort of unproductive. I have this overwhelming need to feel like I'm "doing" something, but at this point, it's a lot of waiting. What I did accomplish in April:
1. I completed a yoga challenge! 15 classes in 30 days. So, I feel a little more in shape, but mostly I feel reinvested in yoga. Since I completed the challenge, I get a free massage! I also rewarded myself with some new yoga pants.
2. I got back on my "fertility diet," for the most part.
3. I made some progress in terms of saving $$$, which is really why I'm waiting instead of starting right now.
4. I actually made a tough decision around staying at my current job vs. trying to get a higher paying job at this point. I just think it's going to be too crazy to try to change jobs and realistically, I don't want a different job right now. Financially, I should be ok where I am and if I find that's not the case with an actual baby, I will re-evaluate the situation.
So, May is going to be another month of focusing on saving money, blah. I need to do a little more driving in May, just so I don't get rusty while I'm saving for a car. I also need to keep up with eating healthy and doing my yoga. I'm hoping to see some warmer weather and get back to riding my bike. I have to admit that I have totally relapsed on coffee. I know that you don't have to totally give up caffeine while pregnant, so maybe I need to re-evaluate this. I just love coffee so much. If I do decide to give it up, that can probably wait another month or two...right???
Overall, I am feeling totally impatient. I know I've said it before. It's just that time really seems to be dragging. It seems sort of silly to be this impatient when I only have a few months to go and have already waited this long. I mean, at least I'm not having to wait a couple more years. When I originally set a date to start TTC, it was actually for May 2012, so that might have something to do with it. That was awhile ago though. It's gradually moved back a month here and a month there, mostly because of savings goals. You would not believe the price of sperm these days. I'm just hoping that I don't have postpone it any further. The feeling of wanting a child also feels a little strange, it actually feels like missing a real person to me. I don't want to get too cheesy here, so I'll leave it at that, but yeah, it's difficult to feel like I'm missing this "person" and having to wait longer to be re-united with them or something.
There are these moments too when I see certain people out with their kids and know that they probably didn't do all this planning and it's hard not to think..."well, if this person can just go out and have a baby without yoga, a fertility diet, a financial plan, a job, etc., why can't I just have a baby?" Ok, I know, I am horrible. It's hard though. My new thing is that I see people treating their kids like crap and think "aaaaaand I had to have a psych eval to be allowed to try to get pregnant." That's a whole different topic though.
So, here's hoping that I find a way to feel more patient over the next four months or that August comes sooner.
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