Sunday, January 27, 2013
Sometimes, I Still Don't Know What to Say.
So, it seems that many people assume that my pregnancy is some sort of accident. To be fair, most of these people are ones who I don't know all that well, co-workers mostly. I've gotten some questions about how I "feel" about the pregnancy? Am I "happy" about the pregnancy? Was I shocked to find out that I'm pregnant? I'm always a little taken by surprise, so I just find myself answering whatever their question was without elaborating further: "Yes, I'm happy," "No, I was not shocked," etc. I guess I don't want to give someone more information than they're wanting to know or make them uncomfortable by explaining how I actually got pregnant. However, I am uncomfortable. It makes me feel uncomfortable that someone would assume that I accidently got myself pregnant. I really don't mean this as a judgment about anyone who has had an unplanned pregnancy, but it just makes me feel weird. Some of these questions have even come from people who I could have sworn that I was out to as a lesbian. Not that a lesbian couldn't have sex with a man, but still. The thing that's always bugged me about being a single lesbian (aside from you know, being alone) is having to either be in the closet or be coming out over, and over, and over again with no natural way of coming out, like introducing a female partner. So I find myself thinking "damn, do I really need to remind people that I'm gay?" So, I'm struggling with how to be more out as a single, lesbian, mother-by-choice. I'm sure I've said in previous posts that it's important to me to be honest and open with my daughter about how she came to be, so I don't want to be secretive about this in general, but I also don't want to be in people's faces about it either. So, I don't know, mass email? Facebook announcement? Have a t-shirt printed up "single, pregnant, lesbian?" I guess I'll figure something out as time goes on, but in the mean time, people definitely think that I had an "oops."
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I'm not a lesbian... and not pregnant yet. But I often wonder about these things. I've gotten a hoodie and a bumper sticker that say "Straight but Not Narrow" ... at least in part to clear up any confusion about my sexuality, given that I work in a male-dominated field and am single, liberal woman who rarely dates.
ReplyDeleteBut with respect to the SMC thing, I've decided that in MOST places and circumstances...once I finally get pregnant, I will be extremely "in your face" about it.
Such as: "Yes I am happy! It was not easy to get pregnant and I'm thrilled it worked!" (which is true for you even if you didn't struggle with infertility, it still wasn't "easy")
Or: "I'm only surprised that it took so long once I started trying" (or in your case "I'm not surprised, I'm thrilled that I was able to get pregnant in a matter of months when I know others who struggle much longer.")
You don't have to go into detail about donor insemination to make it clear that this child was intentional and wanted from the very beginning... and to remind people that intentional families don't have to match their stereotypes.