Lack of Symptoms

Today I am 4 weeks and 5 days.  I have had some symptoms, but they haven't lasted, which is kind of freaking me out a bit.  Don't get me wrong, I don't want to feel horrible, but it would be comforting to at least feel pregnant in some way.  I had sore boobs and PMS-like cramping and bloating, but both of these symptoms seems to have disappeared in the last 48 hours.  I also had no appetite, but that seems to have improved some too.  I am not nauseous.  I have just as much energy as usual.  I am trying to stand by my commitment to be in the moment, not worry away the first trimester, etc., but it is much easier said than done!  I am actually not googling too much because I do recognize that the internet is not my friend at the moment.  I have an ultrasound scheduled for next week when I will be 5 weeks, 4 days.  When I called to schedule, they wanted to set me up with my first pre-natal appointment for right after the ultrasound.  All I could think was, "shouldn't we wait to see if it's viable first?"  I didn't say anything though and let them schedule the appointment.  So, hopefully, I will be having my first meeting with a midwife next week.

I recognize that I do have a tendency to feel anxious when something good happens, imagining all of the ways that it could be taken away.  Last year, when I bought by condo, I kept thinking about what would happen if I lost my job and couldn't pay my mortgage.  Eventually, I realized that A) My mortgage isn't that much, B) I don't really make that much money, so C) If I lost my job, I could probably get a job at the Gap and still pay my mortgage.  So, now, I enjoy my condo without the anxiety.  Hopefully, an equivalent of this will happen for this pregnancy.

Oh!  And listen to this!  Yesterday, I called up a place here that helps with childcare searches to ask about when I would need to start the process of looking for childcare.  Well!  They told me that some daycares around here (of which there are not that many) have waiting lists until 2014, so it would make sense to start now.  So, while I sit here wondering if my pregnancy is viable, my microscopic cluster of cells is on the waiting list for four center based daycares.