Implantation vs. Menstruation

I had some spotting today.  I'm 11dpo, so it's a little early for AF.  I would day 4-5 days early.  Spotting is a potential sign of implantation, so I am cautiously optimistic.  I did also have a temperature dip yesterday, which is also a sign.  Talk about an emotional roller coaster!  I cannot ever remember having an early period, but I suppose if I'm going to have one, it will be while I'm ttc!  So, I am hoping, hoping, hoping that this is implantation.  Please cross fingers and toes for me!

Checking in 8dpo

The 2ww will coming to an end soon enough.  I will admit that I have already peed on a stick, which was negative, but I know it's still too early to tell.  Overall, I do not feel pregnant, although I am aware that 1.  implantation may have no occurred yet and 2.  it is very possible, likely even, to not have symptoms in the 2ww even if one is pregnant.  So, there is still time.  I have been having really crazy, vivid dreams since I did the insemination.  This morning, it was to the point that I didn't even sleep in very late because I was tired of dreaming.  It's not like they're nightmares or anything, it's just that the dreams are so vivid and weird that it's kind of exhausting.  I haven't had this many dreams in awhile.  I also have been a bit irritable, but 1. I am prone to irritability 2.  I'm noticing that the 2nd half of my cycle tends to be laden with irritability (damn that progesterone) 3.  It has been wicked hot and 4.  I have been somewhat stressed related to work.  So, the irritability is likely not a pregnancy symptom.

Of course, I am having to think about the next step if this cycle didn't work.  I spent a long time doing the math last night.  I know that I am definitely not doing another at-home cycle.  The chances of it working are just less, even though I know that I have a reasonable chance at my age.  The bigger reason though is that if I do have any kind of fertility problem, it will not be investigated by my RE until after a number of failed IUIs.  So, I feel like I could end up wasting time and money by doing home inseminations with no information about my fertility.  I did go in for my day 21 progesterone test yesterday, so I will hopefully have those results by the end of this week, which will at least give me a clue as to whether I'm really ovulating.

So, just a few more days to go!

BBT Rise!

It's amazing when you're ttc the kind of things that will "make your day."  Today, my day has been made by an appropriate BBT rise this morning!  Last cycle, as some of you may recall, I did not get a rise in BBT until almost a week after getting a +OPK, which had never happened before.  I still don't know what that was about.  Maybe I surged, but didn't ovulate for awhile?  Who knows.  Today though, my BBT has risen the way that it usually does: on the third morning following a +OPK.  This doesn't really help me pinpoint ovulation exactly though.  It could either mean that I don't ovulate until nearly 48+ hours after a +OPK or that it takes my body an extra day to get a rise in temp.  I'm assuming that latter is probably more accurate and hoping that it is normal, not indicative of a problem.  I have a book that is almost a little alarmist about BBT.  It makes it sound like you should get a fast, dramatic BBT rise and that if you don't, it's a weaker ovulation.  Anyway, I'm hoping that I ovulated on Saturday, preferably early in the day.  That would have been good timing with the insemination.  So, I am hopefully 2dpo today.

On another note, I am looking at the calendar and thinking that this 2ww seems long.  I don't know why, but it seems longer than last time.  The difference may be that at this point in the cycle last time, I had not had a BBT rise and was therefore not feeling optimistic about the cycle.  I was basically waiting for it to be over so I could figure out what to do next.  Somehow, feeling a little more optimistic is making the wait seem really long this time.

Kale Chips

In the spirit of trying to make myself fertile, I made some kale chips today for the first time. They're pretty easy and actually really good. You just pre-heat the oven to 350, then remove thick stems from the kale and put onto a cookie sheet. Then, you drizzle olive oil and sea salt. I also put this onion garlic seasoning. I put a little too much salt on actually. Then, you bake for 5-10 minutes until the edges are sort of brown, but not burnt. Mine only took 5 minutes. Then, you have a pretty tasty serving of a dark green leafy vegetable, which your ovaries will love.

2WW #2

I am officially back in the 2ww.  I am feeling much better about this cycle, but I want to be cautiously optimistic so that I'm not too bummed by a BFN.  I still need to see what happens with my BBT.  This morning, it was still low, but it usually takes couple of days to rise after the OPK.  If it doesn't rise by Monday, that will not be good.  It will be like a repeat of last month.

Funny thing, I had acupuncture this morning and the acupuncturist asked me how the insemination went.  I didn't really know how to respond to that.  I felt like my response was a little emotionless, I just said "I guess we'll find out in two weeks."  She seemed kind of taken aback by my lack of enthusiasm and then asked "was it not fun?"  I mean, I wasn't bothered by this, I just thought it was funny.  Does anyone find insemination fun?  I mean, it's definitely a unique experience.  I don't really know how to describe it.  For me, it was kind of emotional, but I don't know that I would say fun, but I don't need it to be fun.  I'm a lesbian, I don't associate baby making with sex, at least not for me.  I prefer it to be more like a medical procedure or inserting a tampon or something.  She did also say that based on my pulse, it seemed like something was"happening" in the reproductive area.  This gave me a little hope, although that "something happening" could have just been ovulation.

Here We Go Again

Well, the tank has arrived as has the +OPK.  The tank got here yesterday, CD11 and get this- Fedex left it outside of my building on the sidewalk!  I live in an apartment/condo building and last time, they brought it inside and left it in front of my door.  I don't know how long it was outside, but it was definitely out on the city sidewalk for anyone to take, including my drug dealing neighbors.  Sigh.  I am not going to bother complaining to Fedex because I know they will say it's my fault.  I should have been more specific.  I just don't know how you leave a 22lb tank that says "medical specimen" all over it outside on the sidewalk.

Ok, moving on.  This month, I bought those cheapie internet OPKs from Amazon, which seem to work pretty well.  The nice thing about them is that since they're so cheap, I just went ahead an tested every four hours.  This did make for an uncomfortable couple of days because it also meant holding my urine for four hours at a time, uhg.  I also still have the Clearblue digital to back up the cheapies.  So, today, Clearblue and the cheapies were negative this morning.  I did the cheapies at work- noon and 4pm, both looked clearly negative.  At 8pm, Clearblue is positive and the cheapie looks pretty positive.  I think the test line still looks a little lighter than the control line, but I don't know, I haven't used these before.  I feel pretty confident that my surge just started between 4 and 8pm.  Now, the waiting to do the insemination is a little stressful.  It's like seeing the +OPK makes me want to just go ahead and do the insemination, but I don't think I ovulate that close to the OPK and I know those frozen swimmers only live for maybe 24 hours, possibly less.  The recommendation is to do the insemination within 18 hours, which would be at like 2pm tomorrow.  I work until 5pm though and I really can't/shouldn't try to leave early.  So, I will likely do it when I get home from work.  Fridays are my most stressful day at work too, which really sucks.  Getting out of work on time is usually a major issue on a Friday.  So, my real challenge for tomorrow is going to be keeping my head in the game at work, not stressing myself out too much, and simultaneously getting out on time!

Bummer RE Conversation

I had an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) appt. this morning to basically convince them to let me get blood work to test my hormone levels.  This is a new RE.  The one I saw for an initial consult back in December recently left, so I have someone new.  He is a man, strike one!  Anyway, he was not willing to order tests because he feels that since I am only 30 and have regular cycles, I am ovulating normally.  He did give in and order a Progesterone test for me, but that's it.  He does feel that given timing/OPK issues, I would be better off going a medicated/monitored route.  However, adding monitoring ultrasounds and medication would add to the cost of this.  I haven't even researched much about those options as I really don't want to go that route.  Then there's also the risk of twins, which is also not an option.  I really thought that I wouldn't have to think about medication for awhile, so I was not even prepared to have this conversation.  It's also kind of frustrating that he would expect me to take on additional financial burden and whatever risks that go along with the medication, but he won't order a simple blood test that my insurance pays for.  I definitely left there feeling a little disheartened.  However, I do believe that I have a chance at this, unmedicated.  So, I will move forward despite this guy's negative energy.