Ok, so now that I have chosen my sperm bank, I am moving into the crazy world of choosing a donor. Since I won't be starting until this summer, I'm actually trying to choose a few donors and not get too attached to any of them in case one is sold out or reaches their family limit or something. New donors could also become available between now and the time I'm ready to start, so it's probably going to be awhile before I've officially chosen a donor. I've first had to do some thinking about what I'm looking for in a donor and here is what I have come up with (keep in mind, there is not all that much information available about donors):
1. Height and weight: it seems like most donors are of average height and weight. I believe this is one of the criteria to be a donor, so I don't have too much to think about here. I am only 5'3 and most people in my family are pretty short, so I'm trying to balance that out with a taller donor. I'm just not sure how tall is too tall. I'm thinking a max of 6'0. I don't want one who's too tall or large framed, just because I'm trying to minimize the risk of birthing a ginormous baby. I mean, I know I could still have a big baby even with a smaller donor.
2. Hair color: I don't really care that much about hair color. I have brown hair that looks to have a reddish tint at times. Most people in my family have dark hair. My sister is concerned that if I choose a blonde donor and the kid ends up being blonde, that they won't look Italian enough and they won't fit in with our family. I don't have an answer to this. If I am trying to choose a donor who looks more like me, then I guess I would need to choose one with darker hair. On the one hand, I'm not sure how important it is that my kid looks like me, on the other hand, if I'm their only parent, it might be nice for them to look more like me.
3. Eye color: this is where I am a little picky. I have blue/green eyes, so if I choose a donor with blue or green eyes, that's what my kid will have. It just feels like, if this is one thing that I can control in this process, I want that control.
4. Health: They need to have a relatively clean health history, including family health history. Of course, this is mostly self-report, so who even knows if it's accurate. It's not like my own family health history isn't full of obesity related illnesses.
5. CMV: this is actually kind of a pain. Donors have to be tested for exposure to CMV, which is a member of the herpes family. It can be sexually transmitted, but it's also transmitted via saliva or mucus. So, it's incredibly common. About 60-90% of adults have been exposed and would test positive for the antibody. So, donors can still donate, even if they're positive, but recipients (women) should only use CMV positive donor sperm if they themselves are CMV positive. A CMV infection is generally not harmful to a healthy adult, but can be fatal to a fetus. I am CMV negative. I find that when I'm looking through donor profiles, many of them are positive. So, this really narrows it down for me. On a side note, now that I think of it, I wonder what would happen if I were to be exposed to CMV some other way while pregnant. I mean, I work in a health center. I guess I should ask the RE about that.
6. Education: I'm just going to go ahead and be a total snob here. I want an educated donor. I mean, I'm not going to be one of those parents who puts a ton of pressure on their kid or anything, but I just don't want them to struggle. I must be reasonably intelligent as I have a master's degree, but I always struggled with math and science, so I'd like to try to balance that out. Of course, this is another area where it's hard to know if the donors are being honest. I don't think they need to produce transcripts or anything. Some donors do have more intelligent answers than others and I definitely pay attention to that.
7. Talent: this is not a requirement, but some musical or artistic talent would be a bonus.
8. Personality: I don't know, it's one of those nature vs. nurture kind of things and hard to tell from donor profiles anyway, but it's definitely a bonus if a donor sounds like a genuinely nice guy. Some of them definitely sound a little egotistical, but many of them are also very young (DOB: 1991?!?!) so it's hard to tell if they're just immature or a genuine asshole.
Ok, I'm probably missing some things, but these are the basics. More on the donor choices later.
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