Momentary lapse

Remember a few posts ago when I said that I'm so ok with being single, but that sometimes I have these moments where I'm like "whhhyyyyy am I aloooooone?"  Well, I totally had one of those this week.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to postpone motherhood and go out on a quest to find Ms. Right.  I'm not doing that for all of the logical reasons that I laid out in "grieving the dream."  However, I haven't been in most most logical state of mind.  I think it all got triggered last weekend.  I was putting away some birthday cards in this shoebox where I keep sentimental items.  My OCD self decided that this box needed to be organized, so I went through everything in there and came across some notes I had kept from "ex-situations."  Uhg, why did I keep those????  Most of them are so adolescent (insert Indigo Girls song here).  So, of course, I read them and found myself thinking "Oh my god, no one is ever going to write me a note like this again" and then the "whhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!"  Quite the pity party.  Oh well, I guess I better get it out now.  So, after that, I've just been feeling like I've lost some steam or something and I'm trying to get it back.  It probably doesn't help that I don't have that much to "work on" right now in terms of the baby planning.  It's just a whole lot of waiting at the moment.