Well, I got home from work last night and the pregnancy tests I ordered from Amazon were waiting for me. I didn't think they would be here until Wednesday, so I was hoping I had two more days of denial ahead of me! I have taken three tests, all mockingly negative. AF is not due until Friday. I almost wish it were sooner so that I wouldn't hold on to some false hope of a false negative. This was certainly not a surprise given the timing issues that I had this month. I went into this whole thing pretty prepared that I would likely need to try several times. So, I'm not too disappointed, but at the same time, it also feels like a whole lot of effort to put into something to not have it work. So, logically, I know I need to be prepared that this could take awhile, but emotionally, I'm really hoping that it doesn't take that long!
Given the emotional toll of this cycle, I am considering moving to IUI sooner. By "emotional toll," I'm mainly referring to the stress around timing. Looking back on this cycle, I really don't know what I could have done differently. I mean, it looks like I got a +OPK days before actually ovulating, but that's the kind of thing that I can see afterward, but not during. So, when the +OPK rolls around this month, I will have no way of knowing when I am actually going to ovulate. So, I'm just going with what the books tell me to do I guess. So, I'm considering doing one more at-home cycle and then moving to IUI. I'm trying to figure out the details, mostly financial, but I do need to make a decision by the time AF comes, since that's when I would need to order sperm. Stay tuned.
Hi! I'm glad I came across your blog! Like you I'm a single lesbian, just starting TTC. I'm also "young", at age 28, but I really don't see the point in waiting until my chances of conceiving are lower. I have always known I want to be a mom. My last long-term relationship ended not even a year ago, and we had a baby together. Needless to say, my Ex did not let her stay in my life. It was crushing. But I did enjoy motherhood, every second of it, while I had it, and I'm not going to wait until 35 or 40 to pursue it. Like you, I find that at times I'm really grieving "the dream" of being a couple having a baby together, but ultimately I know if I want to do something, I can't wait around for it to happen TO me.
ReplyDeleteI'm using a known donor, but someone I'm very comfortable with, who has 13 other donor children out there, and three of his own children with his ex-wife. I'm pretty sure he won't be wanting custody of another 13 kids. I feel lucky to have him, as so far it's been free (except for gas, I guess) for me to inseminate.
Sorry about your first BFN, I've just had my second. Maybe the next month will bring us both luck, and we can be "single lesbian mamas" together at the same time! :)
Thanks for your comment! I love to hear that their are other women around my age doing this! Yes, hopefully age is on our side and we will both see a BFP in the relatively near future!
ReplyDelete